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True Life: Florida’s Wildlife Is Out To Get Us

By: Danie B

Florida wildlife gets on my nerves. No, I’m not an animal hater, but Florida’s wildlife has no respect for humans as the superior species.

This is how I know. I’ve literally seen squirrels throw things at people. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve seen these squirrels, like snipers, sit in trees waiting to hit humans with acorn shells.

Then if you survive the sniper squirrels, you have to deal with the silent assassins – mosquitoes.

Florida mosquitoes hang out by your doors so they can sneak into your house. They then lay low until you go to sleep and bite you all over, leaving you itchy and uncomfortable.

Finally, the most disrespectful animal I’ve encountered in Florida has to be the lizards because they are moochers. They hang out by your doors and windows so that they can sneak inside to chill out in your cool inside central air. I know this because of my experience with Bob.

Bob is the lizard that broke into my house, and when I got him out, he started showing up every morning to stare me down through my sliding glass door. Today, though, Bob stepped up his game. I’m eating breakfast and I hear a constant tapping at my sliding glass door. When I walk over to the door, I see Bob knocking away at the sliding glass door with his slightly larger friend.

When they gain sight of me, they slither into the cracks and stay very still. It then dawns on me that these lizards were trying to trick me into opening the door to let them in. Again it sounds crazy, but I know what I saw.

After experiencing all this, I’ve concluded that Florida’s wildlife is out to get us. Keep your eyes peeled, and be careful because they want our lives!

More from Danie B

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